When I got finally pregnant, I knew I wanted to have a home birth. I was and I am still convinced that women are destined and more than capable of labouring without any medical intervention. Birth is not a surgery! The most important is to trust yourself and block out all negativity.
I started searching for a midwife who could accompany me on my journey. I knew what I was looking for and what my expectations where. On that journey I kept educating myself and keeping my mind open and positive. First challenge was my husband, who could not imagine having a baby out of the medical system, thinking you have to have medical support. So I kept educating myself and talking and eventually he understood that he needs to trust me and my body.
Finding Antonia and Karen just confirmed that I had made the best decision of my life. It took a while, as I only met them when I was at about week 28. But I immediately knew that they were the women I was looking for. I kept asking people around me for contacts on midwifes, but the only response I got was discouraging me from what I knew was right. I soon understood that I had to surround myself with people who share the same philosophy and to not talk about it with people who didn’t agree. I didn’t tell my Mum, as she is a nurse and working her whole life in a hospital. She could not imagine physiological birth with no assistance. So when I found Antonia’s and Karen’s website and read their philosophy, I immediately wrote to them an email and within a few days we had a video call. I was so excited. And once again I knew this was it. We talked about everything, including if anything goes wrong. I knew that wouldn’t happen, but it was important for my husband to understand the capabilities of Karen and Antonia and how they handle emergency situations. After that everything was settled, regular visits, we discussed my expectation and I was feeling really confident. These two women have such a strong positive female energy and nothing else is needed. I was really looking forward to my due date.
It is so important to ask all the questions, from the small ones, where you think, oh that’s silly, to the big ones. Once it’s out there all fear is gone.
I felt ready and happy. I was still going for regular check-ups to my OB, but she was supporting home births which made everything easier.
Our baby girl was ready to meet us and so where we. Around 5AM I felt the first indication that it was happening, I stayed calm and happy. Around 8AM when my husband woke up I couldn’t wait to tell him. We were both super excited. It was a sunny Saturday. My body was getting ready. I took a shower, washed my hair took the last pictures of me with the baby in my tummy. Around 11AM I asked my husband to start preparing the pool, which took no more than 30 minutes. I sat on the ball in the living room and listened to music as my contractions were picking up. My husband suggested to watch a movie, but I just wanted to listen to music and stay connected to my body and my husband. Around noon my contractions started to be stronger and about 10 minutes apart and one hour later we called Antonia to tell her that its happening. Antonia was amazing, she kept saying “that is amazing, its happening, I am so happy for you, its so beautiful, call me when you feel like you need me”. So calming and I knew I got this. No stress, no panic, just pure harmony.
Between 1-2PM I decided to take another shower and stayed in the bath tub until 6:30 I would say. We called Antonia to come I think it was around 3PM with no rush. My water did not break until the very end, I knew my baby girl was safe. I stayed connected to my body and my husband. He was amazing, he went with me through every contraction. It was like we were in a different universe and nothing else exists. Time was flowing, Antonia came, listened to the babies heart beat and left the bathroom. Her energy was amazing. My sister was bringing me water and trying to make me eat something, but I did not feel like it. It’s so important to have understanding female energy around you. Later in the afternoon I asked Antonia when should I start pushing, simple answer, when you feel like it. So I kept connected to my husband and listened to my body. It was amazing, I knew exactly what to do. Eventually I would say I can’t do it, as I was getting tired, but my husband smiled and said, but you are already doing it. Such a comfort. I started roaring and pushing, getting the inner energy in motion. I felt like the baby is coming when my water broke. We called Antonia, she said that is amazing the baby is coming, listened to the babies heart and left the bathroom again. After my water broke I could not feel the pressure anymore and knew I will have to move and get out of the bathtub. Thinking about it now they all wanted me to get to the pool, as it would be shame not to use it, and to be honest, they were right. Karen was already also there. Two beautiful souls watching over me and my baby girl with no interfering. Antonia asked me if I was able to pee and that I should go to the toilet and try. I knew it was a trick how to get me out of the bathtub and laughed inside my head. I sat on the toilet and knew that is not the position I want to be. I asked Karen, if we can go to the pool. But I had to wait as my sister and Antonia were getting it to the right temperature. So I had to stay standing for another contraction, my husband still right next to me, I bent over him and he held me. In this position we walked to the pool. The living room was nice and dark, just the Christmas tree lights were on. Water was perfect. At that point I knew it was just a matter of minutes and I will finally meet my baby. My husband got in to the pool with me. He was so strong and so present. At that point I did not feel any pain, even though there was pain, but it’s just different. Karen instructed me on breathing to avoid tearing. She was right. I was thinking how do I know what to do, but I just knew, the only important thing was to listen to my body. On the next contraction the head and shoulders came out, and then immediately I had the following and last contraction and our baby girl was born, 7:35PM. I quickly turned around and put her on my chest. I hope I will never forget the feeling, so strong and full of love. My baby girl was so calm and I knew everything was alright. After a few minutes she even latched. It was perfect. 20 minutes later we were ready to get out of the pool. Still connected to my body, to the strong moment, I stood up, pushed and my placenta was born. Karen caught the placenta and put it into a bowl. We moved to the sofa, and my husband put our daughter on his chest. So calm and peaceful. Because my blood type is 0 negative, Karen took blood from the umbilical cord to see, what blood type is our baby girl. As its important to get antibodies in case its different. After that we just cuddled and enjoyed the moment. We waited until all the blood from the placenta was gone.
My husband cut the umbilical cord and Karen showed us the placenta. Not just to make sure it was intact but also to show us the miracle. As its the placenta keeping the baby safe all 9 months. It is amazing what a woman’s body is capable of. Antonia checked our baby girl, right next to us, just to make sure everything was ok. Karen checked me for bleeding and tearing. I did not tear and I was not bleeding, I believe it was thanks to believing in the female body and to the calmness. After which it was time for cuddling and enjoying the moment.
I am so grateful for this experience, grateful for Antonia and Karen, grateful for my sister, grateful for my husband and grateful for my baby girl.
I am so proud in myself, for trusting myself and listening to my instincts.
Mama, your body is wise and knows how to birth. Don’t let the others, who are not in your body sabotage your body’s instincts.
Hana